Sarah Jane Humke

The life of a traveling, reading, writing, spining and knitting shepherdess.

Biore Love December 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sarah Jane Humke @ 11:12 pm
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Oh how I love to Biore.


I haven’t had a good biore night in a while, so tonight I decided to Biore after the Happy Hookers.


Then I started playing with the photobooth feature on the computer…


There is something seriously fun about the biore strips…


They just add a whole new diminson to my face.


I get way too much pleasure from them I think…


This is what happens when you mix Sarah with way too much caffeine and throw in a Mac.  And, of course, Biore strips, can’t forget the biore strips.  

P.S.  Liberated more boxes tonight.  Wish that they would at least flatten them!


I Am Becoming SUCH a Girl! December 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sarah Jane Humke @ 3:26 pm
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I bought not one pair of shoes on Monday but two!  And I am PMSing like a banshee right now.  Actually, thank God for my PMS as the major symptom is that I start cleaning.  If it wasn’t for that once a month hormonal surge I would have lost most of my pets by now somewhere in the house!  Anyway, back to the shoe shopping spree. Here are the pair that I can justify.  It is a pair of New Balance Walking shoes that I found for super clearance at Marshall’s for $25 and they fit perfectly!  I am moving to a place where stuff like this is way more expensive than it is here.  So there!


See, you can even see the red clearance tag on them still!

The next pair are a little, ok, a lot less justifiable.  But they were also serious Target clearance and they are so cute!!! (See what I mean?  Total girl.)


Seriously.  What is happening to me??  Suddenly I have an urge to buy high heeled shoes (not to wear them yet, Thank God, only to buy them) and I have never ever had this type of urge before.  Why the sudden sadistic tendencies towards my feet I wonder?

I also got a new pair of glasses last week.  They are Coach (see! See!  More girly-ness!!!) and I think make me sort of look “hot teacher” or maybe even “hot librarian” (oh, to be a hot librarian, so long as it isn’t at the downtown library where all the homeless crazy folk hang out [not that there is anything wrong with homeless crazy folk I just wouldn’t want to be a hot librarian around them, or, really, any librarian around them as they tend to have, well, an odor about them that is, well, unpleasant…]).  Here they are….



Now that I think about it, it would probably be “hot librarian that married well” since they are Coach….

Today at the post office I had a package waiting (and in fact, that was the only thing waiting for me).


I love how they package their stuff. So very classy.


In all of this packaging goodness was my new winter coat!


Opps, still more packaging!


So, I totally got the crazy neighbor award of the day for these photos.


I was dancing around in the front yard to Moby’s Extreme Way’s wearing a knee length wool coat taking pictures of myself and yodeling “I would stand in line for THIS!” when it is in the mid 70’s!  Yep, so going to the library, uh, I mean loony bin if my neighbors have anything to say in the matter.

Yesterday I also went to Nordstrom’s Cafe Bistro for lunch (home of the best french fries maybe ever and a DAMN good creme brulee).  Sitting a little ways from me was sort of a classic “lady who lunches”.  You know what I mean.  Too expensive of an outfit to actually work in an office and way too much plastic surgery.  Anyway, at first I thought that she was some sort of a stroke victim because of the way she was eating her salad.  I took me a little bit before it dawned on me (I am not around this species very often, I am not familiar with their ways ok!??!?) that she had had so much stuff (I don’t know what?  Silicon? Collagen? Butt Fat?) injected into her lips that she couldn’t like move them properly.  There she sat in all her liposuctioned, boob lifted and amplified, tummy tucked, nose jobbed glory and I felt kinda bad for her.  That was, until she caught me gawping at her (I’ll admit it, I was gawping.  She was a MAGNIFICENT specimen!) and kind of smirked at me in a way that very clearly conveyed “you just wish that you were me!”.  Then I just thought that she was silly and sad.  That, and my lips were still nicer than hers and I didn’t have to have any ass fat pumped into them!

It’s official!  I’ve had 1000 views of my blog!  Congratulations to reader Joel for being the 1000th viewer.  As the lucky winner, he will get a personal visit from the author this holiday season!  Oh, wait, I was going to see him anyway……


The Post Office LOVES Me! December 15, 2008

I mailed off the Christmas cards today.  They were almost all 59 cents, which is the standard going rate for wedding invitations.  I think this is the divine raspberry in my face since I never mailed out any wedding invitations to our wedding since I wanted to elope.  Oh, and we had a grand total of 10 people at our wedding including us.  Invites were not big on my to-do list.  Anyway, so I was given the choice between the pastel love-y, wedding-y heart or a stamp with James Michener on it.  I think that you can guess which way this girl went.  The man was in a Hawaiian print shirt with a lei on it!  How perfect is that?!  Anyway, I had 4 international envelopes and 34 national ones that went on their merry way today.  I also mailed a package.  Tomorrow I will have 4 more to go out and then I am done with the packages.  Done I tell you!  Done!

I am not, however, done with the blue and white pain-in-my-ass that has been plaguing me for months now.  There is something wrong with this pattern, I don’t know what but the math is just not working out.  I need to sit down and graph it but there is just something that isn’t working.  So what do I do?  I keep trying to make it work.  This tendency helps to explain some of the relationships in my mid 20’s.  Actually, a lot of the relationships in my 20’s.  Anyway, I kind of like how it looks even though it is turning out a little bumpy due to the math, or perhaps due to the lack of it.  Who knows?!  Either way, I really wish that Anne Halliday could sit down and explain this bitch to me.  I would even start it yet again if I could get that….  

This is why I don’t follow patterns.

However, the other pattern that I have loaded in my crochet machine gun is going swimmingly.  I don’t mind patterns that are squares or, in this case, octagons.  Less math, I think, and the math on the last piece isn’t going to affect the rest of the darn afghan.

In other news, I am mostly done with the Christmas shopping.  Tomorrow I will be done with the shopping for Tech support.  I am getting him what I can think of and then to heck with the rest.  I mean, if he wanted something he can go and make an wish list like the rest of us normal folk!  Seriously, he even admits that he is seriously hard to shop for so I have pretty much given up.  Oh, and did I mention that his birthday is in a few days?!?!?  Seriously, he is so fucked on so many levels in the whole gift receiving department.  

So, I have been doing some seriously covert operations in the neighborhood in the past couple of weeks.  There are new people living across the road from me.  I haven’t actually seen them at this point, just cars going in and out, but I am pretty sure that they exist.  Because they leave boxes.  Lots of nice, clean, reasonably sized boxes.  Out by the curb.  2 nights a week.  I am like a cat drawn to empty boxes or maybe a 5 year old.  At the very least I am a 30 year old who is moving in a couple of months.I have gotten a LOT of boxes from them so far.  I’ve risked being run over by the crazy rednecks in my neighborhood or running into the bear (garbage nights are also bear nights [seriously, we have bears in the neighborhood and no I am not talking about “wash-bears” which is, I believe, the Dutch term for raccoons.  We have those too. No, these are nice North American Black Bears which are omnivores though in this area are mostly herbivores and garbivores.]).  What can I say, I live on the edge.  However, I probably have some new neighbors who think that people come and steal their garbage in the middle of the night in their new neighborhood.  And in a way, they are right.  But I’m not really stealing it per se, more like I am reusing it then I will recycle it or freecycle it (assuming that there is freecycle over there) and they will get reused yet again before getting recycled.  Either way, it is one big, green circle of cardboard love.  

The Hookers Do the Holidays was a blast.  I hope that we didn’t get Lily into too much trouble with her neighbors as we got pretty loud there.  Hey, Mango-mosas will do that to, well, us.  We all had a fun time.  There was WAY more food than we could have possibly eaten and the gift exchange got pretty heated.  Those are the best when people really get into them.  I got a very cool plastic yarn holder and some red and green yarn.


There is also a pattern that came along with it (scowl muttering under breath “fucking patterns…”).  Nothing against this pattern in particular which I am sure is a charming and lovely pattern.  I am just so…….off of patterns right now.  Maybe for the rest of my life.  I’ll let you know….

The blankets for the parents and in-laws are finished, washed, and in at least one case, packed.  The other is being mailed tomorrow.  I love Christmas once all the hard work is done…..


Schwag Hags Unite! December 10, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sarah Jane Humke @ 12:53 pm

Last night I went with my friend Lily to a knitting group in College Park.  They were meeting in this very fun place called Infusion Tea on Edgewater.  We got there late as Lily had a meeting to attend that she couldn’t really get out of going to (there was schwag involved, I am totally behind anything that gets one schwag).  Anyway, we had a fun time and I will definitely go again next week.  Maybe then I will remember to take pictures.  Anyway, afterwards we went to a craft fair/art exhibit in a restaurant/club that was down the street a few blocks.  There were 2 knitters representing, which was very cool.  

Today has been all about moving messes around in my house.  I am at least consolidating them at this point, which is the first stem in getting them clean, right?  I have also been working on the whole “getting the birds their impossible permits in which to go to the UK with” thing.  It is most annoying and speciesist as it is much easier to get an animal with fur on it into the UK than one with feathers.  Ugh.  Oh, unless that animal is a supposedly “dangerous breed” (assholes! [yes I am talking to you you British, pomp-ass assholes {oh, excuse me, ARSEHOLES!}])*

Don’t get me started.  I am still rather pissed off.

Anyway, still haven’t mailed out the damn Christmas cards, but am going to as this year they ROCK!

I haven’t finished the Christmas letter.  Slight problem.

Oh well, they may get sent out in January!

* Ok, so I know it isn’t probably the best idea to piss off the British Government before I am even over there.  But what the hell, they’ve heard worse.  I mean, this is where punk originated.  That gang had a seriously dirty mouth sometimes:-)


My House is Currently Insane and I’m OK With That

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sarah Jane Humke @ 12:39 pm

The wonderful Christmas season is in full swing once again.  I mailed off two Christmas packages at the post office this morning, which made for the house becoming slightly more navigable once again (they were some big ass boxes!).  I had to go out today to return a few things and to pick up a very important piece of equipment in this house.  No, not a kitty litter scoop (nothing is THAT important!) but a wireless router.  Last night between 9 and 11 the power went out at least a half a dozen times.  I don’t know what was going on exactly, but Progress Energy trucks were patrolling the street like we were a third world nation currently under martial law.  Anyway, I think that this caused the final demise of our 5 year old router with an attitude.  It wouldn’t even flash a light this morning.  A dead router is a sad little thing.  Without the little lights that blink at you it is just a little plastic box with an antenna.  RIP little router, you were a pain in the ass at times, but you served us faithfully for many years…

However, we now have a router with the words XTREME N GIGABIT ROUTER blazoned across the front of the box.  I don’t know what exactly that means but is sure sounds geeky-sexy (and lord knows I am all about the geeky-sexy!).  It was however, extremely easy to set-up, so it must not be that geeky or else I would have had to have an intimate understanding of the logarithms that went into the programing of the device in order to make it work.  

I have also finished another scrapghan.  I am not going to post a picture of the final, lovely product as it is a Christmas present and the recipient reads this blog.  But I will show you a small part of it.  Since these are all unique works of art, I have decided that they should be a numbered series.  So, this is number 4, which I slip-stitched onto it with a wool yarn so that it felted on when I washed and dried it.  


I will also show you a picture of this particular blanket with some extremely cute animals on it.


Is is any wonder that I can never get any work done around here with this level of cuteness going on?


Is it January Yet? December 5, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sarah Jane Humke @ 4:02 pm

I don’t mind Christmas.  In fact, unlike some folks that I know, I usually like it.  I like decorating the tree and wrapping the presents and (shockingly) taking the boxed presents to the post office to mail (I have a GREAT post office and I’m not gonna share with you!).  This year has been stressful and long and I am rather ready for it just to be done.  Time to reset and start over.  This past week I have finished up a job that was originally supposed to be an internship with a duration of 2 months that ended-up lasting over 9 (and yes, I do feel like I have delivered something) as well as the end of my semester.  I am tired and just want to shovel out my house.  I will perk-up in a little bit (after all the stuff [jobs and school]) have their final finishing touches on them.  Stick with me till then, it will be worth it I promise:-)


Big Fat Pile of………. December 3, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sarah Jane Humke @ 3:30 pm

This is what I have been doing a lot of lately…


which is working on my computer and this….


which is doing schoolwork.

I will post more when I have something to talk about……….