I figure that if I get them out in the open, they cannot come true. So, I am getting them as out in the open as I possibly can (with maybe the exception of having Susan Stamberg read them aloud at 8:30on a Tuesday morning). I mean, what is more out there and in the open than on the freaking Internet I ask you?! So, here goes the list. No snickering, they may seem crazy to you, but you are not in my position (unless, you too are moving to the London area in about 6 months with 3 [possibly 4] cats, 2 dogs and 3 parrotlets and a whole passel of books. If you are in this position, I so want to talk to you and maybe we could start a support group…).
The List
The pet posse will be “detained” in a Gatwick never-never land for weeks due to someone forgetting to staple two papers together in the correct manner or some other trivial thing like that.
That the pets will actually be harmed during the flight over to England.
The container containing all of my worldly possessions falls off of the ship in the middle of the frigid Atlantic during a “perfect storm”.
I will slowly freeze to death in England and/or die of consumption.
They confiscate my yarn stash thinking that surely no one who is not planning on opening a store would have this much yarn. I try to convince customs that no one would buy so many non-matched skeins of the ugliest ombres and variegated acrylics that I could find, but the customs officer is color-blind, thus does not understand this.
I start speaking British.
I start spelling British.
I start cooking British.
I find that I am allergic to England.
The new house is in/on/too near to a graveyard.
Ikea discontinues the brown Billy bookcases.
I cannot find a job.
I cannot get into grad school anywhere.
I cannot have a baby (if the above two turn out to be true).
I somehow manage to not graduate.
I cannot find another hooking/stitching group that will accept me as the foul mouthed insane person that I am.
Nobody will come to visit. Ever.
My hair goes even more insane than it usually is in Florida since I will be wearing hats along with the humidity.
I will start liking knitting.
I won’t be able to find ANYTHING, ever AGAIN!
No one will ever read this blog.
Someone will read this blog.
The rest of the year is going to be rough, I think.
Pass the bamboo G hook will you? I have some scrapghans to work on.
Sarah Jane Humke 