Ok, so it is official, United totally sucks sweaty athlete balls. Not that I have actually sucked any sweaty athlete’s ball (I’ve always been attracted to a man I could have a good conversation with and the athletes in high school [and really the ones in college] tended to have difficulty putting together sentences). Oh, and to any ex’s. You are not an athlete. You have never been an athlete. Get over it.
So, where was I? Oh yeah, United sucks. We were waiting for nearly 45 minutes on the plane because of a maintence issue. This is ok, I want the plane to fly to it’s destination not end-up a flaming ball of death as much as the next person (maybe even more since I am on my way to Rhinebeck not to a business meeting) but if you saw this issue and knew that it needed to be taken care of why did you board the passengers? I mean really now people, this is why there is so much air hostility. We all know that this is the real reason that they take away guns in the airport. (Imagine Dick Cheany waiting for a United flight…. Just think about it. Makes me chuckle…)
So, get to O’Hell airport only to find that my flight to Newark has been delayed by 3 fucking hours!!!! Why, you may ask? Not because the weather is bad there, nope, just the opposite. It’s because the weather is too GOOD! Seriously, the airport is overloaded and there is a ground delay. Doh. I am so glad that I don’t have anything pressing to do tomorrow or I would be so very humped. Like seriously. This is why my husband must be so very Zen. He has learned the secret of United travel (either that, or he is a secret masochist [could be, he did marry me after all!])
Another thing that has made this trip so aggravating is the utter refusal of my digits to work properly, especially my thumb. It isn’t the claw hand, I know and respect the claw. No, this is different. It’s like my thumbs (both of them) don’t have enough strength to grasp things (cups, car keys, crochet hooks). Because of this I didn’t finish the Festival Shawl and it is languishing in my suitcase on a cart in the underbelly of O’Hell somewhere (hopefully it’s not on some flight to Kazakhstan or something) and I don’t have a travel project to work on to keep the sanity. I’m sitting here wondering about the wisdom of washing down an Aleve with a Grande Mocha Frappachino from Starbucks (I can’t help but wonder each time I see that name if they weren’t fans of the original BSG). Are these coffee drinks always this expensive? The only time that I frequent Starbuck’s are when I am in an airport. If they are, no wonder the country is in an economic crisis! However, I did learn an important airport food lesson: Wolfgang Puck’s 4 cheese pizza in the O’Hell airport isn’t half bad! Well, that, and it looks like he signs it Wolfgang Fuck. I like that in a manJ
Sarah Jane Humke 