Sarah Jane Humke

I bought not one pair of shoes on Monday but two!  And I am PMSing like a banshee right now.  Actually, thank God for my PMS as the major symptom is that I start cleaning.  If it wasn’t for that once a month hormonal surge I would have lost most of my pets by now somewhere in the house!  Anyway, back to the shoe shopping spree. Here are the pair that I can justify.  It is a pair of New Balance Walking shoes that I found for super clearance at Marshall’s for $25 and they fit perfectly!  I am moving to a place where stuff like this is way more expensive than it is here.  So there!

See, you can even see the red clearance tag on them still!

The next pair are a little, ok, a lot less justifiable.  But they were also serious Target clearance and they are so cute!!! (See what I mean?  Total girl.)

Seriously.  What is happening to me??  Suddenly I have an urge to buy high heeled shoes (not to wear them yet, Thank God, only to buy them) and I have never ever had this type of urge before.  Why the sudden sadistic tendencies towards my feet I wonder?

I also got a new pair of glasses last week.  They are Coach (see! See!  More girly-ness!!!) and I think make me sort of look “hot teacher” or maybe even “hot librarian” (oh, to be a hot librarian, so long as it isn’t at the downtown library where all the homeless crazy folk hang out [not that there is anything wrong with homeless crazy folk I just wouldn’t want to be a hot librarian around them, or, really, any librarian around them as they tend to have, well, an odor about them that is, well, unpleasant…]).  Here they are….

Now that I think about it, it would probably be “hot librarian that married well” since they are Coach….

Today at the post office I had a package waiting (and in fact, that was the only thing waiting for me).

I love how they package their stuff. So very classy.

In all of this packaging goodness was my new winter coat!

Opps, still more packaging!

So, I totally got the crazy neighbor award of the day for these photos.

I was dancing around in the front yard to Moby’s Extreme Way’s wearing a knee length wool coat taking pictures of myself and yodeling “I would stand in line for THIS!” when it is in the mid 70’s!  Yep, so going to the library, uh, I mean loony bin if my neighbors have anything to say in the matter.

Yesterday I also went to Nordstrom’s Cafe Bistro for lunch (home of the best french fries maybe ever and a DAMN good creme brulee).  Sitting a little ways from me was sort of a classic “lady who lunches”.  You know what I mean.  Too expensive of an outfit to actually work in an office and way too much plastic surgery.  Anyway, at first I thought that she was some sort of a stroke victim because of the way she was eating her salad.  I took me a little bit before it dawned on me (I am not around this species very often, I am not familiar with their ways ok!??!?) that she had had so much stuff (I don’t know what?  Silicon? Collagen? Butt Fat?) injected into her lips that she couldn’t like move them properly.  There she sat in all her liposuctioned, boob lifted and amplified, tummy tucked, nose jobbed glory and I felt kinda bad for her.  That was, until she caught me gawping at her (I’ll admit it, I was gawping.  She was a MAGNIFICENT specimen!) and kind of smirked at me in a way that very clearly conveyed “you just wish that you were me!”.  Then I just thought that she was silly and sad.  That, and my lips were still nicer than hers and I didn’t have to have any ass fat pumped into them!

It’s official!  I’ve had 1000 views of my blog!  Congratulations to reader Joel for being the 1000th viewer.  As the lucky winner, he will get a personal visit from the author this holiday season!  Oh, wait, I was going to see him anyway……