Sarah Jane Humke

“The Family”

Sarah Jane Humke

March 22, 2011

For all of the new members of the Task Force, we’ve made a cheat sheet for surveillance purposes. This is, for all intents and purposes, a cast of characters seen entering and leaving The Old Chapel. Some of them have only been seen through windows from the outside. Many of these photos came from an inside informant. Others were taken on the daily territory marking rounds that members of the security team make. This list is for identification purposes only.

(in Alphabetical order)

Belle (AKA Belly)

Seldom seen outside of The Old Chapel, it is thought that this member of the family may be on drugs given how often seen asleep. Overly fastidious with her grooming, is often seen cleaning herself obsessively. Transplanted here with the bulk of the family in 2009 is the (twin) sister to Willma. May have ended-up in the family via a pimp (not confirmed).

Brompton (AKA The Bike)

This hunk of metal is seldom away from The Hubby’s side when he is away from The Old Chapel. It is very transformers-like, unfolding to become a ride-able bike only to origami back up into a heavy, vaguely box-like mess of gears and spokes. It can go very fast. Joined “The Family” in 2010.

Fluffy (AKA Fluffs)

This aloof blond is also a neighbor next door. Often seen walking with “The Family”, her alliance is unknown. Has been known to spend nights at The Old Chapel. Not much is known about her origins except to say that this is not the first home that she has had. Not known to be dangerous, but will not inform on “The Family” as is deeply suspicious of strangers.

Hubby (AKA Tech Support)

Seldom photographed in the wild, this is the heart of the operation. This is the best photograph of The Hubby that we have been able to get since a random fluke of chance in 2005 in Amsterdam. Taking out The Hubby would take out the entire operation, but he is very hard to get to. Tends to keep to an evil lair in London or The Old Chapel where he is protected by the rest of the gang. Not particularly dangerous on his own but is well protected by the rest of “The Family”. Transplanted here from Florida in 2009, but origins prior to this confused and unknown. Often seen riding The Brompton to the train.

Jiji (AKA The Pain in the Ass, Large and in Charge)

Runs the daily operations at the house. Extremely dangerous, has been known to stab and cut at associates for no other reason than to make a point. Her origins are lost to history, but she joined the family in 2004 when The Hubby joined. Is diabetic and on a special diet because of it, she is extremely ill-tempered. Only seen leaving the house for medical visits.

Kali (AKA Snow Queen, Mud Queen)

Girlfriend of Malcolm, she is a local who lives next door. Is extremely dangerous, approach with caution. Has been known to take out multiple kneecaps and to tackle unknown people approaching. Has also used gas warfare to neutralize threats. Is frequently spotted completely covered in mud carrying a big stick. Do not underestimate this bitch, she can mess you up.

Malcolm (AKA Mr Beautiful, Mal)

Malcolm is the social man of the group. He is frequently seen making contacts with other families for unknown purposes. His charm and beauty will disarm you from suspecting him of ill-doing, but be warned, he can go from 0 to 60 in a few seconds flat. He has no patience for sneaks and informants, preferring to keep his group under tight rein. Though appearing to be in charge, he is actually subordinate to Meara. His origins are murky having simply showed-up with Sarah Jane one night in 2009. We suspect Romany roots. Often likes to woo the women with his impressive…tail.

Meara (AKA Peanut, Potato)

An older member of “The Family” Meara is also one of the most dangerous. The other members may “talk the talk” but Meara doesn’t need to since she “walks the walk”. Another of the transplanted group, arrived on our shores in 2009 from Florida. Definitely the head of the lower minions, she only answers to Sarah Jane. Do not approach this one. Run if she comes after you.

Micheal (AKA Tubby)

The American branch of “The Family”, Micheal lives in Iowa. He has been known to greet men by running up to them and kicking them in the nads. Not seen at all in The Old Chapel due to passport issues.

Milo (AKA Trouble, Destructo-puss)

Not particularly dangerous to people, Milo has a known knack for destroying equipment. We have not been able to discern if this is accidental or on purpose. However, this member of the family is the primary reason all audio and video wiretapping has failed. Bugs bug her and then she destroys them with gusto. Transplanted with the bulk of “The Family” in 2009, Milo comes from extremely humble origins. Her siblings were all eaten by a large snake as infants, her mother then ran away in a blind panic only to be run over by a car. It was only by blind chance that she ended-up with “The Family” where her illnesses were taken care of and she was nurtured. She has a strong attachment to Sarah Jane and will not rat-out the family.

Sarah Jane (AKA Me)

Often found in The Old Chapel or harassing the nearby hoods with much of “The Family”. Quite often carries dangerous pointy sticks with a garroting wire between them. Has a bizarre obsession with sheep. Is the brains of the operation. Approach with caution. Transplanted here in 2009 from Florida, though was raised on a farm in Iowa. Has many special skills due-to this unique background. Do not underestimate.

The Old Chapel (AKA The House, Headquarters)

This became The Family’s headquarters in 2009. A former Wesleyan Chapel, it was abandoned for many years before being renovated in 2000. With views of fields of sheep and horses, this is the perfect place for The Family to carry out its work.

Weezy (AKA Weasel, Wiener)

Don’t let the subject’s small size fool you, this is among the most dangerous members of “The Family”. What she lacks in stature, she makes up for in ferocity. This bitch has been spotted going after horses screaming threats at the top of her lungs. Is considered Sarah Jane’s bodyguard and can almost always be found (literally) in her shadow. Small size means that escape is a prime problem with this member. Transplanted here in 2009 from Florida, this little dog is a survivor having lived through hurricane Katrina in Mississippi, her birthplace.

Willma (AKA Miss Independent)

A rare photo of the twins together

Willma is not often seen outside, except from the window behind her in this rare photo. We aren’t sure if she is a captive or is willingly being kept in The Old Chapel. Is the (twin) sister of Belle. Transplanted in 2009, she was a Florida street kitten brought into “The Family” by Sarah Jane.

For all the people out there…

Sarah Jane Humke

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March 21, 2011

For all of my friends with small children out there (and there are a lot of you) read this.

Blanket Update

Sarah Jane Humke

3 comments

March 20, 2011

I realize that I haven’t shown you any pictures of the sock yarn blanket in a while. It continues to grow under my nurturing care, just the camera wasn’t behaving all that well. (It’s amazing how many more pictures one takes when one has a camera that is working properly!)

The last photo was included in order for you to get a sense of scale. The cat (Willma) is a normal sized girl cat and the blanket was laid-out on a queen-sized bed.

A Sunny Day

Sarah Jane Humke

2 comments

March 19, 2011

Today was absolutely beautiful here. It was one of those days that reminds me why I moved to this often grey and rainy island in the first place. To take advantage of the lovely weather we went for a family walk.

Malcolm loves to run in the field:

Weezy was doing her best modeling pose:

There was lots to sniff…

…and paths not taken.

Even Meara came out, though she clearly longed for home.

There were puppy paws on picnic tables…

…and little wet noses in the sunshine.

Malcolm loved rolling in the green, green grass…

…and then playing with his girlfriend Kali.

After Kali passed on by, Malcolm came upon Harris, another doggie friend.

Kali caught back up with us, a Frisbee was added, and much fun (and panting) was had by all!

A very good walk indeed!

Tops

Sarah Jane Humke

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March 18, 2011

My top searches for the past day:

bog pack of toilet paper, yarn ribbon cutting, deathwa clan, african seed beads, martha stewart books

I LOVE that it was a “bog pack” of toilet paper!

Snacktime

Sarah Jane Humke

5 comments

March 17, 2011

My honey brought home something from The Netherlands a few months ago which he thought that I was going to totally dig. He presented it with a flourish to which I gave him a very odd look. It was a box of chocolate sprinkles. A rather large box, true, but just a box of sprinkles. He then informed me with the excited air of a child sharing a discovery that the Dutch eat them on bread or toast. At this I guffawed thinking that the guys at the office he was working at there were having a go at him. Then he pointed out the box:

There is a picture of a piece of bread with sprinkles emblazoned across the box. Still, I’m resistant to putting sprinkles on a (in my mind) a non-sprinkle bearing food. He wheedles and cajoles until finally I cave and tell him to give me the damn sprinkles on bread. My husband, saintly man that he is, toasts it first.

It was love at first bite.

Now those of you out there that are not Dutch (and probably more than a few of the more Gourmet Dutch as well) are probably cringing at the idea of putting sprinkles on toast. I know that I did when suggested to me. But trust me, it’s not bad. In fact, it’s pretty damn good! However, he did bring home a very small box of “fruity” sprinkles which were, ummm, not quite as palatable as the dark chocolate…

Today’s interesting food experience was brought to you by international travel for work and my risk-taking hubby!

Up to

Sarah Jane Humke

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March 17, 2011

So I figured that I’d share with y’all the totally rocking day that is this Thursday for me.

What I’m up to:

+Packing travel knitting for The Netherlands. (Spending a week+ with the designer seems like a good time to knit one of her patterns if-you-know-what-I-mean.)

+Filling-out a scholarship application. (I probably shouldn’t try to let more people know about this, but I’m just way too fair. [I also always tell people if they are under charging me at stores {over as well, but that’s another story}])

+Printing boarding passes for above trip.

+Wondering if I could get a sheep to hold still long enough to put some knitting on it and take an arty photo for the above scholarship. All of the sheep in the field across the way are incredibly pregnant, thus probably aren’t moving too fast….* Seriously people, this is what happens when you leave me alone too long. I start harassing sheep. The dogs are happy since at least I’m not harassing them which is the norm.

+Preparing to foray into the city tomorrow to hook-up with my favorite indie dyer and designer. (Honestly folks, he’s not paying me ~~very much~~ for all of this attention. [seriously though, he doesn’t even bribe me all that much!]). I have stuff for him, he has stuff for me. It’s like a highly non-secret drug deal. So which of us is Charlie Sheen in this scenario then?

+Getting pissy at iTunes seriously twisted view of an international world. I got some iTunes gift cards from the Hubby’s Grandma for my birthday (all of mine are dead, thus it would be weird if they came from mine. [and iTunes cards from the afterlife will also probably not work with the UK iTunes!]) and they are from the US (she lives there, it makes sense). I cannot use them on my UK iTunes account and will probably have to make another account in the US iTunes to be able to use them. I’m sure that there is some logical reason for this (just like I’m sure that there is a logical reason why I cannot buy gift cards for family and friends in the US with my British issued card on-line, but could if I were in person.) but it sort of defeats the whole “the internet is everywhere”-ness of iTunes.

+Drinking insane amounts of Finnish Mountain Dew and probably giving myself an upset stomach and headache later (I don’t care right now as I’m totally buzzing from caffeine and sugar). Just for the record, I don’t think that there is anything different about Mountain Dew from Finland, I was just clarifying that this Mountain Dew was some that I had gotten while I was there.

+Doing laundry. I know, not exciting or funny, but it is going on in the background much to the hubby’s relief (he was starting to wonder if his pants [trousers, for you dirty-minded Brits!] were going to revolt).

*I realize that chasing expectant ewes could induce premature labor. I would never do that without the ewes permission. Do not chase sheep unless you are a trained herding dog.

Links I Like

Sarah Jane Humke

1 comment

March 16, 2011

These are some links about the disaster in Japan. I know as knitters and crocheters, our first inclination is to pick-up the needles or hook and send some woolly love. Here’s why you shouldn’t and what you would be better off doing.

Why you shouldn’t be knitting and crocheting things to be sent to Japan.

How you should be sending your money there (and other places as well).

A great designer has the right idea for Japan.

We still have a Royal Wedding coming up here.

The bookish knitting souvenir of the impending Royal Wedding.

The yarnish knitting souvenir of the nuptials.

If you have an idea for a pattern to celebrate here’s the competition for you!

Some other interesting links:

A raffle for a chance to own the original Great American Afghan.

A British sock club where you get Wollmeise as one of the yarns!!! (And I think it may also have some yarn from my FAVORITE indie dyer, Jon from Easyknits!)

Finland (and a tiny bit of Africa)

Sarah Jane Humke

3 comments

February 21, 2011

Last week I was in Finland.

This was a slightly postponed birthday trip (it seems that my birthday trips keep getting later in the year, if I keep it up at this rate, I’ll be taking my birthday trip in June when I’m 80!) as my birthday is at the end of January. However, I thought that it was perfect to spend Valentine’s Day in Finland as they celebrate it more as a “friends day” rather than breaking out the fuzzy love cuffs.

So, for most of the time that I was in Finland, it was cold, even by Finnish standards. Here’s proof from the thermometer in the car driving us around one day on our massive yarn crawl.

However, I did get to see a lot of stuff. Malin and I went to the massive castle in Turku for several hours. They have a self-guided audio tour that you can take that you can download to your own iPod or whatever. I had it on my phone, and it was most educational (not to mention handy!).

In the medieval parts of the castle there were a lot of paintings on the walls as well as quite old carved wooden statues that have survived the centuries. All of the old wood (and later textiles) that have survived amazed me (coming from a climate here in England that tends to rot wood and textiles).

We went to various places in Turku, including the heated street (which I didn’t get a picture of for some reason). It is an entire pedestrian street that has, essentially, in-floor heating underneath it. This keeps it free from snow and ice so that it is nice to walk on even in the winter!

Malin and I then stopped in Tampere for an afternoon on our way up to Vaasa. In Tampere we went to 2 yarn shops and a bead shop where I (apparently) also didn’t take any photos. I did, however, get lots of yarn and oodles of beads.

I also spent some time tooling around Vaasa with Malin. We went to the longest bridge in Finland for lunch.

This was called the "Bridge Burger" Yes that is a fried egg on top of it with a slice of melted cheese on top. Yes, I was in heaven.

And then we went to the Vaasa museum for a couple of hours. There were lots of knitted, crocheted, nal-bound and woven garments all through the museum.

There were also 2 spinning wheels and a ton of distaffs and spinning accessories that were made out of wood and quite often painted gaily!

I just thought that these metal whole-leg sock blockers were fun. Very much like some that you can get brand-new today!

I spent a few days with Barbro at her house just outside of Vora (it’s not spelled correctly as I couldn’t get the proper scripts to show up. If I had wanted it in Chinese, I would have been set!). There I got my first ski lesson of my life (cross-country, not downhill!) and spent a lot of time admiring the beauty of the Finnish countryside from inside a toasty house!

Barbro took this picture for me. Proof that I actually strapped two sticks to my feet:-)

Then the three of us (Malin, Barbro and I [Kasper the dog was invited but declined politely]) went on our yarn crawl. I didn’t take many photos except for these of the BIG yarn store that we visited in the middle of nowhere and the road there, which was pretty much one entire icy patch. It was like I imagine being on a luge course would be like!

This store was fun in the way that it would have 100% acrylic right next to cashmere. It didn’t take itself too seriously and was obviously in the business of selling lots and lots of yarn, whatever kind you might be looking for!

You should go check out Malin’s Blog and Barbro’s Blog to see what they say about the trip! I however, got LOTS of yarn and not a lot of photographs (I only took my phone on this trip, thus please forgive the quality of the photos!).

So, this will give you an idea of how much I brought back with me:

I have a small collection of these baggage tags from all over the world. It’s pretty easy to do with this big suitcase. Generally it’s not a matter of, “will it all fit?” it’s more, “will it weigh too much?”. However, this bag was pretty well stuffed to the gills this time.

This is the yarn that I brought home...

Some fun seed beads that I picked-up in Tampere

These heart beads were on sale since it was Valentine's Day

These buttons were part of my "goodie bag" from Barbro

This is a knitted band to hold your fiber when you are spindle spinning it! Another part of Barbro's Goodie Bag

A Mumin towel and some herbal salve also from Barbro's Goodie bag (there was also lots of Chocolate and some Jams in there, but, erm... they are already mostly gone!)

Some little sheep that I got at a crafty type shop

So yeah, I bought toilet paper and tissues... But they have LAMBS on them! And the lambs are embossed INTO the toilet paper!

Nearly everyone in Finland has some sort of reflector attached to their coats so that it is easier for drivers to see them. Very smart I think!

I know, I know! Clothes rollers?!? But I'm telling you, these ROCK! And they have the super intelligent cover on them!

These are some wooden sheep that I found on clearance!!!! (God, I love that word!)

These were a joint project between Malin and her honey Mika. They are for wrapping your hand spun lace weight around so that it doesn't get damaged.

The whole trip was amazingly relaxing, with lots of laughter and lots and lots of good food from all directions.

I got home last night to some ecstatic dogs and cats and a very clean house. The hubby had even invested in a system to clean our very, very tall windows! However, the wonder hubby wasn’t here, as he had left for Dubai the day before (don’t worry, the dogs and diabetic cat were in the kennel!).

Today I went over to the neighbors to take them a little thank you gift of reindeer soup and cloudberry jam and they had a little surprise for me from Africa (you were wondering where that came in, weren’t you???). The month prior to my trip they had been in Zimbabwe, which is where they are from originally. They brought for me this amazing basket with a lid that fits perfectly.

And a bag that looks like it has been made out of a couple of different types of twine and hand carved buttons:

And this wire hook with a beaded spider on it. It is a spider and not a bug as it has 8 legs… I’m quite sure that you were worried about that!

It was fun to travel, but it is good to be home again!

Generosity

Sarah Jane Humke

2 comments

January 21, 2011

I have several thank you’s that I need to make for people who have donated sock yarn leftovers to the massive undertaking that is my sock yarn blanket.

First off there is Tini, who sent me a great package with some sock yarn, beads and some candy. Always a good combo!

Then I also got a package from an Anonymous RAK’er. See, I belong to a group on Ravelry that is called RAK in Europe (RAK stands for Random Act of Kindness, just for those who didn’t know!) and the idea is to post a list of things that you are wishing for. They can be physical (in my case sock yarn remnants) or more good feeling (well wishes for something going on in the person’s life). So, you look over the list and see if there is anything that you can help with and if there is you send off whatever it is that you can help with. There are no “paybacks”, there is no “requirement” to do anything, it’s just a nice thing to do to help someone out. Anyway, I joined this group this past month and have had a lot of fun in it so far. I’ve sent off 3 RAK packages which made me feel really good, and I’ve received 2 (I’m counting Tini’s as one as she is the one that suggested that I join this group!). This package from the Anonymous RAK’er was completely unexpected, so all the nicer!

Perfect little butterflies of sock yarn!

Now my last thank you is a ~~BIG~~ super-duper-humongous-ginormous-holy-shit-look-at-the-size-of-that-thing one. Jon from Easyknits said that when I came to his house to help out he would give me some of his tangled skeins and unsold yarns and such from up in the attic. He said that is was, “a lot”. I threw a couple of tote bags into my backpack when I was getting ready to go into the city on Wednesday, then I threw in more in “just in case”. I also had a good-sized shopping bag with Jon’s birthday cake in it (his birthday is shortly before Christmas, but there was snow insanity and plague going on then, so he got it about a month late). Anyway, Jon filled-up all of the totes, the backpack plus a big blue bag from IKEA!!!! We were up in his attic and he just kept throwing yarn and fiber at me!!! It was like a really good dream except that Jon was Jon and not a scantily clad Viggo Mortensen (not that Jon isn’t handsome!!!) (I think that you may have glimpsed a little too far into my head with that dream description!).

I was such a quivering mess of yarn-y-ness that I didn’t take any photos of it all until I had gotten home and unpacked it all. But you can imagine how interesting it was sherpa-ing all those bags home on trains and tubes was! Luckily, it was well after rush hour so I didn’t have a million people pushing at me to go faster and the route that Jon’s husband Roy came up with for me to get to Euston station had minimal steps to hike up and down. I just got a lot of interested looks, not scowls. Anyway, here is most of it, though I realize that there was also a bag of ends of cones that I didn’t get in this picture!

That big pile in the back? That is all sock yarn.

Some of this is going to be RAK’ed and a bit is going to Finland with me in February, so don’t think that I’m a total greedy pants (well, ok, I am, but I do share!!!)

There was also a ton of Kool-Aid packets that he gave me to play with the undyed yarn with, which I did yesterday for the first time. Since I was just playing, I wasn’t too worried about how things turned out. It was a lot of fun (though I needed to add less water to the Kool-Aid dye that I was using to make designs. Live and learn!) and I managed not to make a complete mess of the kitchen.

Now for all of this yarn-y love, I did do a little bit to help. Let me tell you sock club members, you are going to love this months colorway and pattern (which I helped to label, so I am very familiar with it!). It’s perfect for curling-up in front of a fire and knitting during the cold and dark of winter. Jon is also going to be at Unravel if you want to check out his yarn up close and in person (as will I hopefully!). Continue reading